She shot out of the front door of daycare and was about 3 steps ahead of me when I snagged her hand. The excitement of her day bubbled over in giggles and details. She so wanted to run ahead. I stopped her at the bottom of the stairs. "Remember, the parking lot. You have to hold my hand." She reluctantly complied. But, every step she turned her hand to try to somehow escape my grasp. I held on tighter knowing the potential danger that weaved in and out of minivans and parking spots. I could see what she couldn't.
In that moment, God began to speak to my heart. In quiet conversations and silent wrestlings, I have pondered the phrase "letting go." Friends with wisdom have encouraged it. But, somehow my heart didn't understand it. The offer was enticing but I couldn't quite fully convince my heart that it was a smart move. I had so much invested. Countless tears. Sleepless nights. I mean, letting all of that go? Give up my right to visit the familiar pit of regret? Shed the shame of others expectations? Scary territory for a gal that had defined herself by the very things that she was being asked to give up.
There are times when my little girl wants to hold my hand. Begs for it fact. Reaches out for me when she doesn't have to. Then, there are times that I need her to hold my hand and she resists. I am trying to protect her, to keep her from danger, to keep her near. She fights with everything in her to get away. I hold tighter because I know when she is connected to me, she is safe.
God said to my heart: Letting go is taking my hand just because you want to be connected. Not fighting me and trying to go your own way. Letting go means you trust that I can see what you can't. Letting go of the things you hold so tightly, free you to fully embrace life with Me.
And so, today, I loosen my grip. My white knuckles relax and drop the weights that have hindered me and sought to separate. Today, your unfailing love motivates me to take your hand so I can be connected. Today, I let go...
Thursday, April 14, 2011
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14 comments:
The older Ella gets, the more God reveals Himself through these precious moments. Proud of you for embracing them.
Feel like breaking out in Francesca's "I'm Letting Go!"
;o) (but I'll spare u)
Momma Lu
Love this. Letting go is the most difficult things we have to do. Trusting He knows best, trusting He will catch us. A often scary choice but so worth it!
This is a word for me today. It's a new season in my life and holding on to the old seems a bit like a tree holding on to last year's leaves when all the newness possible cries, "Let Go!"
Thank you for the encouragement and fresh perspective.
Elaine
Mmmmhmmm... girl, that is exactly what God is teaching me!!! Crazy! He keeps whispering... "unless a seed falls to the ground and dies. unless you let go... "
Showee...
Letting go too. Praying for you!
So wonderfully written. My daughter is 5 and I'm trying to let her gain some independence. It's not easy but I know it must be done. I must have faith that He will watch over my precious little girl!
Oh! my, how this speaks to me...Thank you for your inspiration and new way of looking at my hanging on...
Im trying to let go and hold on to Him. Trusting he can do what I think I can because having control feels safe for me......This hit me right in my heart
How beautiful! A lesson I'm learning over & over again. Thanks for sharing!
Love.
Thank you, Carol!! Today I let go, too, so I can FINALLY let God do His good work in me!
Love you Carol! God is using you in your brokenness and pouring freely through you during this difficult season. Thank you for being so transparent!
Oh, how the timing of God shows me how he knows us! I am letting go, however slowly, and trying now to fall, trying to lean on my faith. It is so good to read about others in the same "boat"! Praise God that I saw your little blog link on Facebook tonight, Just the encouragement I need to "let go"! I'm trying.. I'm praying...I'm letting go! Thanks for the encouragement! :)
You are certainly not alone. I, too, am in a season of letting go. So hard but so necessary. If I do not let go, I cannot receive what HE has to give. And I'm with Luann. Francesca's "I'm Letting Go" is a song I've listened to over and over and over to encourage me in the process.
Timely & beautiful post!
Sweet Blessings to you,
Pam
I went through this last year with my daughter, but she was 20. She was going on a mission trip to Ethiopia and it was so hard to let go. God spoke to me through my sister-in-law. She had just finished reading a book by Anne Graham Lotz and told me a story about putting things in the wheelbarrow. So, I let go, with God's help and put her in the wheelbarrow. What a relief I felt by letting go.
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