Never needed grace...

There was a time in my life where I thought I didn't need grace. I was a good girl. I did all the right things. I said all the right words. I played the part of Christian with ease. I didn't understand grace...much less need it.

I was harsh in my judgement. Critical in my observations. Pious in my opinions.

I was able to lean upon a righteousness that I had created. I wasn't gracious.

But, most thought I had it all together.

Today, is a different story.

I crave the grace of God like a spring in the desert. My heart aches for God's mercy to be liberally applied to the sinfulness of my heart. I can't take the next breath without grace.

I don't throw that word out carelessly, as if to trivialize the work God has done in my soul. No, I mean it today. It's not just a word I sing. A nice phrase I repeat. A careful arrangement of consonants and vowels that ease my guilt. This day, I understand grace.

I understand what it's like to stand gulit without a solid defense.
I am familiar with the circumstances that reveal the facade of my own righteousness.
I am acquainted with the fracture that are a result of my own mistakes.
When apologies no longer are accepted...
When manipulation ceases to produce the result I had hoped for...
When my selfish motives are exposed and the darkness of my heart revealed.

Today, I need grace. Today, I am in tears as I examine the unfailing love that embraces me, the one who seems to do nothing but fail.

And I am thankful for the journey that transported me to this place. For now, I feel it is necessary for me not only to know it, but to extend it as well...