I've been having some quiet moments with God over the last couple of weeks. Today, I felt impressed to list all of my areas of weakness. In order, to know the steps to take to solve the problem, you first have to admit that you have one. And I don't just have one. Nope. I filled a page of places where I go instead of where I should go. I don't want to. But it seems to be my default.
I was reading an author who has struggled with alcoholism and she said this: "When you try to hide or cover up your weakness, you are simply protecting your freedom to relapse."
My goodness. That's true. That's why I decided to write this post.
I need you to know that I am an approval addict. Just like an alcoholic that pours the last drop of liquor down the drain, I poured my heart out to my God over this issue. I want people to like and accept me. There's nothing wrong with that. But, when you allow it to consume you and become your goal, that's the problem. Most days I care more about what you think about me than what God thinks about me. This issue has led me down many a frustrating path to a place where never good enough and exhaustion collide. You would think I would learn after awhile. I am trying.
But, this week as I have reflected on the last year and looked with anticipation towards the New Year, it's been the one thing that I can't get out of my mind.
I'm on my way. I've taken the first step. And I'm not crazy enough to think that just deciding I want to change is enough. There will be moments when I will slip and fall. That's when I will need my 'sponsors' to come alongside, dust me off and help me get back on the right track.
So, I challenge you, as the year draws to an end, to make a list of your weaknesses. Then, if you are brave enough, join me on this rehab journey with God that promises to change us forever.
I would love to hear what you are in rehab for. If you can't share it publically by leaving a comment, feel free to email me at cantcookalick@msn.com. I promise to pray for you every step of the way.
7 comments:
I can relate, Carol. But the one thing that always happens when we seek the approval of others instead of resting in His approval is that it's never enough. We are just left craving more. Just like alcohol. I don't want to be "controlled" like that anymore. I want the peace that I can only find when I seek Him and his will for my life.
Thanks for sharing your heart, Carol
Praying for you as always. This is the year of all years. I can feel it. :0)
carol, I, too, was reminded to make sure I care more about how God thinks/wants/cares about me than what others do in my life...you just confirmed my need to publicly confess and get the sins out there so I, too, can be healed...was reminded of Jesus' words - "your faith has healed you - your sins are forgiven" Be faithful to Him, friend, and He promises to heal us!
I love this Carol!! I'm in rehab too..I'm addicted to control. I try to control people, situations, work, church, etc..it's a very selfish place to be to expect EVERYTHING to go your way and then have a fit when it naturally doesn't. In the past couple months I've finally been able to admit I'm a control freak!! So now the healing can begin:) I know that I can trust God to work out every detail of my life and he really doesn't need my help and I need to give people the freedom and grace to be theirselves. Will be praying with you! Blessings!
I am just like this as well - I want others to like me and to accept me, but in the bigger picture - I only have to have God's acceptance (which I got when He saved me by grace) and learn to be happy in the sufficiency of His love. I'm a single mom to a teen and having no aid from my ex-spouse has made things hard. The hardest is dealing with the abandonment...now trusting that God hasn't and won't leave me. That is the blessing I have to daily remember.
Oh how I relate to this "prison" called approval! And I need rehab for so many things related to it: my need to please, be liked, impress others, get credit, always get it right (i.e. be perfect! HA!!)... on and on ad infinitum! I can NEVER "measure up"! And others' flattering opinions are NEVER enough!! I pray this year of 2012 WILL indeed be the year I am set free from this prison!! Only GOD can do this--if only I will let Him!! Thanks for sharing--glad I found your blog!
Huggggs to you. Approval is not always in verbal/written form. It could be a nod, a smile, and good thoughts sent -- and you do not see them all right now -- me and the countless others. But you surely know when God approves and that is all that really matters.
I'm under rehab on His wings for freaking to be in control. Imagine I even tried to control Him -- God make him like this, her like that...Now I'm thinking if I'm still a control freak when I said, "God make me not a control freak..." :)
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