Have you ever seen a table for one?
A room for one?
Even socks come in pairs.
It seems all the world is built on togetherness.
And you never really realize it until you are alone.
You take the chance to confidently sit by yourself in a crowded restaurant, when the large group comes through and needs an extra chair. Everyone knows, at the moment, no one is coming. Then, if you are like me...you eat in the car to avoid the situation.
You stare at a water stained ceiling longing for someone, anyone to listen to the happenings of your day, in your room for one.
When you are 'attached' you long for a quiet moment to yourself. When you are alone, the silence taunts you with every tick of the clock.
You have a great day and there is no one to call to celebrate.
You have a rotten day and have no one to cry with.
This is one.
Not "THE one." No, that is reserved for that special someone who is everything our hearts cry out for.
There is an ache and emptiness in "alone" that longs to be filled. A hunger that starves for satisfaction. And though, I desire for it to be fulfilled through relationship with God, my heart still looks for someone on earth who will tell me they care.
Someone who will dry my tears. Someone to celebrate my victories. Someone to walk with.
But, sometimes, they don't come. The chair is removed. Everyone knows, in that moment, that no one is coming. But, you hope they won't notice. Most of the time, they don't. But, you know. Yes, you know.
So, in the quiet moments that I hate and you wish for...
I stop and work hard at being thankful for Emmanuel, God with us.
Knowing that even in the darkest night, even when my emotions tell me otherwise, I am not alone. God, help me believe it.
Where I am headed...
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8 comments:
Wow..did u get that right...so much of the same feeling....again wow and thank you for putting it together in words...Lisa Sabbides
Perfectly articulated. I got a parakeet just so there would be something that made noise. I'm praying He fills your empty places with His presence.
I heard your blog post read on my local Christian radio station by Tami. This is what I wrote her about your post:
I enjoyed the piece you read this morning (2.13.2012) on being single or alone or lonely in a couples world. I am visually impaired and websites are sometimes tricky for me. I could not find that piece on your blog and was wondering if you could send it to me as an attachment?
Being a single adult, I have experienced those same issues. I have made the comparison of being an older single never married to being the appendix in the body of Christ--sometimes you can feel like a superfluous organ--unless, of course, you would just find that right girl (or guy), get married, throw in a couple of kids and then we would have a use for you. I've seen quite a few of my similarly older single friends struggle with these same issues and, sadly, the tendency is to become bitter and closed off. Bitter might be a little strong but I can't think of a better word to express it.
Thank you, Carol, for your post.
In Christ,
Doug
Oh how I wish this didn't sound so trite, but I use those (yucky) alone times to count my blessings. I purposely make myself go alone to restaurants when I'm wanting to eat out and can't find a free "gurfren" available.
Instead of focusing on me and my single state, I pray for the restaurant, the owner, the patrons, and whatever else crosses my sight. Now this definitely does not come easily to me nor to anyone else I think. But I always, always enjoy this experience and look forward to the next opportunity to do it again.
At home, when I can HEAR the silence (it is so loud,) I sing - raucously and abandoned. I'm the choir member our choir master used to ask to "just move your lips" because my singing voice is rusty-hingish. Ah, but my Beloved hears the song of my heart and LOVES it.
In fact He loves me (you)so much, He makes up songs about you. Zephaniah 3:17.
My situation is similar in that I am single, but I've never (or should I say...not yet) been married. For years, I've had times when I "take myself out on a date" to a restaurant and sit, reading or just taking in the scenery, enjoying my food. I don't generally look to see how others might be taking my single presence, but one time I noticed others' reactions comes to mind.
I was away from home in Indiana during Thanksgiving finishing my master's in nursing requirements. I hadn't received any invitation to lunch or dinner, so I'd studied all of Thanksgiving afternoon, and I was ready for a break. I took myself on a date to Cracker Barrel. I noticed that I was the only single person in my section, and individuals from one party in particular stole glances at me, seemingly feeling sorry for me. I wasn't sad to be there, but it was pretty obvious my single presence was making some people uncomfortable on such a family-oriented day. I enjoyed (too much) food, the vintage decorations, and of course, the golf tee game.
God does fill the emptiness with His presence, and I pray He will do that always for you, too!
Oh how I wish to pull up a chair with you. Much, much love.
I applaud your honesty. Courage is is a prerequisite in transparent sharing, and I thank you for yours. Your words have touched me exactly where needed today, and I am grateful for your willingness to write what I am presently experiencing. I too have the knowledge God is always present but know, all to well, there are days when a real live hug would make all the difference.
S.
Very well said. I've been a single mother of 3 for 5 years now and while I can appreciate the ability to make my own decisions, it gets so very hard to walk alone. I'm dealing with serious issues involving my teenage daughter and the weight of having to carry it all by myself is overwhelming. I know He is with me, but I long for earthly partner to walk alongside me. Thank you for sharing this, I will pray for you!
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